Slavery

A borrower is slave to the lender - Proverbs 22:7

So where did my slavery start from? Hmmm… where do I start? Honesty, acceptance of responsibilities, and change of destructive behavior. In June 2011, (after losing another $30K in my “business investments” and on the brink of losing our house) my wife and I decided to attend Financial Peace University class, offered by Dave Ramsey, the class that changed our lives forever. The fact that we were in debt was not news to me nor was it to my wife, the news to my wife was how much debt we had and how enslaved we were…

If I remember correctly, our second homework assignment was to sit down with the spouse and make a list of all the debts we had – from smallest to largest. And let me just tell you, this was not the homework I was looking forward to completing. The biggest issue was that I never bothered disclosing to my wife the details of our financial situation. Don’t hear what I am not saying, I was not hiding from Tanya the mountain of debt we were living under – she knew we were in debt, however I did not want her to worry about how bad of a shape we were in. In my “ultimate wisdom”, I have always believed that since I’m already worried, losing my sleep and pulling my hair out about the debt I acquired, why have your wife go through the same thing? Just keep on paddling,  keep on working, keep on digging yourself out of the mess you got into, and don’t bring Tanya into it, she has enough things to worry about – that was my logic and golden rule.

Honesty.

Although the first step to freedom is to be honest (The truth will set you free), it was one of the most emotionally difficult steps I had to make. I would love for Tanya to write an entry in my blog about how she felt when I told her that we have over $200,000 in loans not including our mortgage but as for me I felt;

·         Ashamed – for failing as a husband and a father

·         Imprudent  – for making reckless “investments”

·         Crushed – under the weight of the debt

·         Disappointed – in my unsuccessful attempts to bring an order to our family finances

·         Depressed – because I did not see the end of this vicious cycle

·         Humbled – because finally, I was no longer in denial about our debt, instead, opening up to my lovely wife and sincerely admitting that I don’t have a plan, nor do I have any strength to fight on.

·         Finally – relieved. Yes, relieved! As selfish as it might sound, but after breaking the news to Tanya, I no longer felt alone. The moment she embraced me in her arms and whispered “we are going to be Okay, we just need to take one step at a time… I love you”, it felt as if a breath of fresh air filled my lungs. It was as if I felt whole again, I was wounded, but not dead, down, but not out.

Yes, I know what you are thinking, how can a man of faith feel so hopeless? Yes, one can. And, to tell you the truth, I think I used and abused God’s grace and His love as I was taking my family down the disruptive path. The Grace of God sets you free from Slavery, but not if you continue borrowing… I’ll let you stew on this thought…